


Tell Me I’m Dreaming

by Alltime_jess



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Bad Jace Herondale, Homophobic Language, Hurt Alec, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 12:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18894952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alltime_jess/pseuds/Alltime_jess
Summary: Alec is forced to leave his life of a shadow hunter behind, after lies are told to the clave.Will anyone believe him that’s its not true and will Magnus still love him when he finds out?





	1. Chapter 1

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood, by order of the clave you are herby removed of all Shadowhunter duties and must leave the institute immediately."

"W-what" Alec whispered, voice shaking as he spoke as he hurtfully looked up at those he once called family.

"We dont need you, you are nothing but a burden to this institute, to this family. You cant fight, cant lead us. God Alec you were nothing but an embarrassment, a fag, other institutes look at us and laugh because of you. Look at you, you dont even look like us, you are a disgrace to the Shadowhunter race!" Jace spat, words filled with hatred.

Alec gasped up at Jace, his brother, his parabati. He knew other people in the institute didnt like him because of his sexuality, but he never knew it was this bad, that his own family would think so terribly of him.

"So, we are kicking you out, you are no longer a member of this institute, or this family. Go, leave, no one wants you here anymore." Jace continued.

Alec didnt know how to react, he let Jace push him out of the institute, throwing a small bag filled with clothing at his feet. With one final glare, Jace slammed the Institute door shut, cutting Alec out of his past life for good. Alec dragged himself through the city of New York, as if in a trance not completing believe what has just happened, after a few hours of walking in a delirious trance, Alec found himself outside the door of his loving boyfriends loft.

"M-magnus" Alec called brokenly as he softly knocked at the front door.

Magnus opened the door, eyes filled with nothing but hate, disgust, anything but the love Alec was so used to seeing in the beautiful brown eyes that he loved, the love he oh so needed now.

"Leave" Magnus growled. "We are over, I want nothing to do with you Alec Lightwood. Goodbye." With a final shout, Alec once again for that day had a door slammed in his face, the last pieces of his heart shattering.

Everything seemed to sink in as Alec fell to his knees, breaking into sobs. His body trembling as he cries, until he finally became numb.

"Please" he cried out in a weak voice. "Someone tell me Im dreaming, this cant be happening, no"

However, the sad truth was, he was not dreaming, his own family, his boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now, actually hated him, he was nothing to them. And with that he fell asleep in the cold streets on New York.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk of abuse

The institute was silent, every Shadowhunter staring at the stairs in confusion, where was Alec? Finally, Jace stepped forward, and began to speak.

"Alec Lightwood has been banished, he is no longer a member of this institute." Jace announced lacking any emotion. Every person in the room gasped at Jace in shock, surely, Jace was joking, Alec wouldnt have done anything, he wouldnt be removed as a Shadowhunter.

"We couldnt handle Alec being in the institute with us anymore, never mind running it. Jace just, he could no longer handle the beatings Alec gave him, not anymore." Clary cried but continued. "I couldnt handle seeing him in pain anymore, not from his parabati the one who is supposed to love him. This had to be done, Alec Lightwood is nothing but a monster!"

Jace had tears streaming down his face by now, obviously fake, but the rest of the Shadowhunters didnt need to know that. The crowd stood in shock, how could Alec do such a thing, Jace Herondale was not only his parabati but a descendant from one of the most respected Shadowhunter families. Izzy looked at the ground as Clary spoke, ashamed at what hr broth had done, why would he do such a thing, how could he be so cruel, while Magnus stood at the back of the group shaking his head in anger and shame.

If anyone hated Alec already, it was sure as hell going to get a lot worse from here.

\---

Alec sat in the cold streets, his body covered in dark bruises, shaking with fear as heart wrenching sobs racked his body. He hated this, he hated not having his family, not having Magnus, the people who were meant to be with him always, without them he felt so alone, so worthless.

He heard his phone ring, pulling it out of his pocket and looking at the caller ID showing Catarina Loss. Alec began to cry harder, knowing that Catarina only wanted to scream at him, hate him like everyone else in his miserable life. The phone began to ring, constant for 20 minutes straight so Alec finally answered.

"Alec" Catarina breathed down the phone, relief flooding her voice. "Oh my god, please tell me youre okay" Alec believed he was joking, Catarina does not care about his wellbeing, shes only a friend of Magnus, the love of his life that now hates him. 

"Im fine" Alec replied quietly, but Luke knew differently.

Catarina didnt believe what Clary and Jace were saying, she knew what Alec was really like, she knew he would never hurt anyone if he didnt have too. She also took into consideration that Jace is stronger than Alec, he could easily fight him off, Alec on the other hand would never want to hurt his brother, he wouldnt fight back. Catarina couldnt get the image of Alecs bruised body when she visited Magnus at his loft, how they were apparently form a mission, but she was now believing differently. How could anyone believe the lies they were telling, why were they doing this to Alec?

"Okay, as long as youre sure. Hey, what if I come to you, we can meet up and talk" Catarina asked hopefully.

Alec closed his eyes, willing away anymore tears that wished to fall. "Sure" he mumbled in reply.

"Great, i'll see you then. Call me if you need anything Alec, stay strong sweetie."And with that Catarina hung up.

Alec curled up around himself again, trying to forget everything that has happened in the past few days. Everyone hates Alec, all because of his parabati, not that he could blame them, hes a disgrace, a faggot, a stupid, fat, worthless fuckup. Who wouldnt hate him? He lay there wondering why it look Jace so long to kick him out, did he want to torture him more that he already has? With that he let darkness consume him.

\---

Alec woke up, the room filled with pieces of broken glass and splatter of blood, he was filled with pain, vision clouded with black spots. He lay on the ground thinking of how wrong he was when the thought his father, Robert, would help him when he brought him home.

"No, please!" Alec screamed as Robert picked up the last arrow from the quiver, loading it into the bow. The other arrows already grazing Alecs body, some embedded into his legs.

"Archery has always been your favourite, hasnt it Alec?" his father mocked. "Lets have some fun with this then" With that Robert shot the arrow into Alecs leg, listening to his sons screams of agony and pleas to stop.

"You are such a fucking disappointment to the Lightwood name boy" Robert muttered, with that leaving the room, locking the door to leave Alec in nothing but his pain.

Alec spent three days trapped in the room, with nothing but his own cruel thoughts to keep him company, leaving no food or water to keep him alive. It would seem everyone wants Alec dead.


	3. Chapter 3

Its been a month, no one has heard anything from Alec, not that anyone has even tried to contact him at all. Hes still trapped in the dark room is father left him in, weak and broken trying to find something to keep him sane. His father had removed any form of heat that could possibly enter the room, leaving the poor boy to freeze, being too weak to find any form of heat by himself.

His body ached, covered in bruises, burns and cuts due to the daily beatings he received each day so he could be punished for what he had apparently done. His father would force him to read all the horrible treats people would send him from the pain he had caused Jace, how he doesnt deserve to live for what he has done to the Herondale boy. Alec couldnt sleep, his dreams filled with the nightmares of the pain everyone has caused him, tortured by the memories by the people he loves.

Alec was weak, mentally and physically, his body drained of any life that was once there. He had fainted serval times, leaving him in a delirious state. Alec lightwood might not live much longer.

"I want to speak to your son" Alec heard a strong voice say, knocking him out of his dazed expression. A voice he knew all too well; Luke Garroway.

"Alec is not here, I havent seen the boy since he brought our family to shame." Robert replied all too calmly, Alec desperately trying to scream that he was there.

"Help" he called weakly, his voice cracking due to lack of use, resulting in nothing but I whisper. "Help me, please!" he called, knowing it was pointless tears began to stream down his face, slipping into darkness once again.

"Id like to see him, a warlock tracked him here, we need to speak" Luke explained. Seemly sensing that there was something wrong by the way Robert kept looking at the door way suspiciously, as if someone through there.

"Ill tell him you called by, if he wants to speak to you he will" Robert answered sharply, wanted to end the conversation immediately.

"Funny, you said Alec wasnt here?" Luke glanced at the house. "Where is he?" he demanded, eyes glowing with fury.

Mia watched from the car as Luke stormed passed Robert into the house, practically radiating the rage he felt. Something had to be wrong, getting out of the car she ran into the house following the to men. Leading them to a locked door at the bottom of the hallway.

"Open this door now!" Luke shouted, prepared to rip Roberts throat out.

"Whats in that room is none of your business downworlder, leave now" Robert growled.

Seeing no other option, Mia grabbed Robert, slamming his body up against the wall as Luke begun kicking the door, determined to get in the room and prove his worries wrong. When the door finally swung open, the three were meet with nothing but a strange smell and pure darkness. Luke took out his phone for a source of light, almost missing the curled up frail body in the corner of the room.

"OH MY GOD!" Mia screamed, running to Lukes side, shining the light over the unconscious boys face.

Alecs skin was sickly pale, deep black circles surrounding his sunken eyes, different coloured bruises coating his entire body. His hair was matted, body dripping with sweat, despite the freezing temperature of the room, the runes that once decorated his body were carved out, his body covered in blood. From what Mia could remember of Alec, he had never looked so thin and fragile before.

"What have you done with him, you monster!"Mia gasped horrified at what has been done to Alec.

"Nothing the faggot didnt deserve" Robert smirked, clearly proud at what he has done to the boy.

"Alec will be staying with us, far away from a monster like you." Mia stated, with that Luke picked Alec up and the two left the house, bringing the boy to what they hoped would be safety at last. 

\--- 

Alec woke up, eyes immediately closing due to the bright light shining into the room.

"Luke quick, hes awake!" Mia shouted, causing Alec to flinch.

Alecs heart began to race, trying to move away from the two people approaching him. Did Mia and Luke kidnap him? Are they going to hurt him because they think he hurt Jace.

"Shh Alec, its okay youre safe." Gently placing her hand on his arm, trying to help him relax.

Luke was ashamed of what Clary and Jace have done, how could they lie and do this to someone as loving as Alec. Especially Jace, how could he treat his own brother, his parabati like a human punch bag, why destroy Alec more by blaming him, removing him from the place where he had finally found love, turning Magnus against him. Alec doesnt deserve any of this.

"How are you feeling" Luke asked softly, standing at the edge on the bed.

"F-fine" Alec mumbled in reply, he didnt feel like talking, it never lead to anything good.

"You need to speak more than that Alec, were trying to help." Said Luke, frowning when noticing how scared Alec had seemed to even be talking.

Alec only shook his head no, laying back down on the bed, closing his eyes wishing this was all just a sick dream, hes going to wake up safely in Magnuss arms. 

"Okay, well leave you be" Mia gently said, stoking Alecs cheek before leaving the room with Luke.

With that Alec feel asleep, for once feeling warm and safe.


	4. Chapter 4

*Trigger Warning*

Everyone at the institute was struggling without Alecs leadership, more Shadowhunters are injured due to the increased number of demons roaming the streets of New York. They obviously were fine mentally without the presence of Alec in the building, well everyone except 1 person.

Jace had been becoming much more popular in the institute after the horrible experience he had to go through with Alec. Did Jace feel guilty? No, he thrived in the attention he was getting. In his mind, Alec deserved everything he got, Jace never liked Alec, he only became his parabati so he had a place to stay growing up. Alec was nothing but a weak disappointment. He was gay and in love with Jace, Alec deserved nothing but pain.

Izzy was confused and hurt, how could her brother be the kind of person who abuses his own family. The family Alec has sworn to do nothing but protect and love for as long as he can live, it doesnt make any sense. She saw the way Alec was around Jace, he was nothing but kind and for some reason he seemed tense, as if one wrong move Jace would freak out on him, Jace always seemed to be the one in charge. Maybe she really didnt know Alec at all, or maybe there was something she was missing.

Magnus was struggling the most, he lost his love, after 100 years he had finally opened his heat out again only to have it ripped way, Alec wasnt the man he thought he was, he wasnt the loving, caring protective brother we seemed to be. It just didnt make sense to him, why would Alec want to hurt Jace, hes always wanted to protect his family, Jesus hed die for his family. Alec knew about Magnuss past, he knew what his stepfather did to him, yet Alec turned into a replica of him, if he could do it to Jace, who says he wouldnt hurt Magnus. Magnus knows he doesnt need Alec anymore, he just hopes Alec doesnt need him either, how wrong he was.

Alec was the most affected by the situation, he was slowing dying both inside and out. He wouldnt eat, barely drank, hes becoming weaker by the day, hes losing all hope. Luke was becoming worried, Alec was becoming worse and worst of all Jace and Clary are coming over to the Jade Wolf. What are that supposed to do with Alec?

"Ill leave, I dont want to burden you anyways, you should have just left me" Alec stutters out, weakly laying his head against the wall.

"What, and let the maniac kill you. No way! It will be okay, They wont be here for long anyways, I doubt they'll even know you're here" Luke said, setting down a glass of water on the bedside table for Alec.

"Bye Luke" Alec weakly spoke. Luke was leaving to go meet up with Simon, Izzy, Jace and Clary.

"Bye Kid" Luke said and left.

\---

"Hey Luke, why is this door locked?" Alec could here Jace yell from the other side of the door, his body began shaking with fear.

"Uhhh, no reason, you can never be too careful these days" Luke laughed out a reply, praying Jace would not try to open the door and just let the whole thing go.

Alec watched as the door burst open, there stood Jace, looking shocked, his eyes slowing filling with anger and hatred.

"What the fuck are you doing here to waste of space!" Jace whisper screamed and the frozen boy.

Alec was trembling, unable to prevent the fear of his parabati from taking over as Jace stepped towards him, hand curling into a fist as he came closer. All his fear was forgotten when a fist met his cheek, sending his head flying to the side. He was lifted from the bed and slammed into the wall with a sickening thud.

"You fuck up everything!" Jace screamed as he threw Alec to the ground. Kicking and punching him until the boy was bloodied and unconscious.

He stormed out of the room, not caring that his hands are covered in Alec's blood. He would not have Alec staying with Luke, Alec didn't deserve kindness for anyone.

"I want him to leave now Luke" Jace demanded

Luke quietly cursed under his breathe, looking up at Jace seeing the blood covering his hands. Luke immediately ran into Alec's room seeing the boy laying on the floor in a pool of his own blood.

"What have you done" Luke roared.

"He deserves it" Jace replied with a straight face, shaking his head as he watched Luke check for Alec's pulse.

"He was abused by his father for 18 years of his life, you were meant to help him, protect him. You've done nothing but ruin his life more!" Luke screamed. "You see this, this was done by his father cutting him with his own arrows" Luke said, as he lifted Alec's top up revealing the cuts covering Alec's back. "The bruises are from the beating he took form not only his father but his parabati. You! Everyone in his life who were supposed to love him, has done nothing but hurt him!" Luke screamed.

"And these, he did these to himself, because you believed that everyone hated him. Because of the things you told him. You destroyed him." Luke expressed lifting Alec's arms showing the cuts Alec had inflected onto himself.

\--- 

Alec couldn't breathe, he's several broken ribs digging into his lungs preventing his airflow. Every was in agony, he could move, couldn't breathe. he wanted to die. He no longer speaks or looks at anyone in fear of them hurting him, he hides himself away in the corner of the room, no matter how many times Luke or Mia trying to get him to move, talk, anything.

"Alec?" Mia questioned at the door, slowly entering the room. "We're going to get you help okay, the mundane way. We are going to get you a therapist to help, okay just me and you, were going to get you better." Slowing approaching Alec causing him to whimper.

Mia grabbed him and dragged him out into the car. Alec didn't want to go, he was bad enough around people, he could barely speak to Luke or Mia never mind a stranger, but he was too weak to fight back.

-

"So Alec, tell me about yourself" the therapist, Max asked.

Alec didn't like him, he felt uncomfortable, there was something about the way he was looking at him filled him with unease.

"I-I'm e-eighteen" Alec stuttered out. 

"Uh huh, tell me what you like" Max asked, slowing placing his hand on Alec's leg.

"I ah, I l-like a-archery" Alec was growing more anxious "Can I go now please" He asked politely, having a bad feeling about the man.

"Aw but we're starting to have some fun" Max said, as he pulled Alec into his lap. Alec screamed only to have his mouth covered by a rough hand. Tears began to rapidly fall down his   
cheeks as he accepted his fate.

Alec left the therapy office and immediately dropped to the ground, body curling up into a tight ball, trying to protect himself from whoever else wants to hurt him. Slowly rocking back and forth and images of the events pasted through his mind, haunting him. Mia something was wrong, but believe it was hard for Alec to speak about what had happened to him, how wrong she was though.

Alec had been raped, by someone who was supposed to help him, not make his life worse that it already was.


	5. Chapter 5

Alec lead Magnus into the bedroom, never once breaking the kiss between the two lovers. Clothes were flying everywhere, ending up all over the room, not that either of the two cared each caught up in the heated moment. Magnus pushes Alec so he would fall onto the bed, quickly getting back to kissing him. Soon all clothes, Magnus looks down to his love underneath him.

"Alec, are you sure you want this?" Magnus asked, never wanting to force Alec into anything he might not want.

"Don't worry I want this" Alec replied while quickly continuing their heated kiss. 

Magnus begin kissing his way down Alec's chest, leaving hickies wherever he please, marking Alec as his own, until he reached Alec's dick. 

"Shit Magnus, please don't tease me" Alec breathed out, wanting Magnus to get in with it.

Magnus quickly obeyed and took his dick into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down and fast as possible, thanking his magic for getting rid of his gag reflex. 

"Yes, fuck like that!" Alec moaned out, hands reaching down to Magnus's pushing his head down further. 

Magnus pulled off with a pop, crawling back up Alec's body to pull him into another heated kiss. Magnus moaned into Alec's mouth as Alec begun to stroke Magnus cock, causing him to harden more than he though possible. 

Breaking the kiss, Magnus slowly reached over to the bedside drawer, pulling out the half used bottle of lube. Magnus squirted the liquid over his fingers and slowly inserted on into Alec and began thrusting it in and out.

"S-shit, more" Alec moaned, losing himself in the pleasure. 

Quickly Magnus was three fingers deep into Alec, while Alec moaned, clawing at the bedsheets thrusting his body to meet Magnus's, needing more that what Magnus is giving him. 

"Fuck Alec, hold on babe" Magnus pants out as he slowly pulls out his fingers and positions his dick at Alec's entrance, bending down to kiss Alec as he thrusts in. Both men letting out loud moans as they were finally getting what they want.

"Move" Alec moaned out, causing Magnus to pull out and thrust back into his lover. 

"FUCK" They both screamed out, feeling nothing but pleasure and love for one another. 

Alec opened his eyes, expecting to look up and see the love of his life, Magnus. However, when he looked up he saw nothing but Max, the therapist that destroyed the last pieces of him.

"You're a bad boy Alec, bad boys need punished" Max says, his body pressed to Alec's, stopping the boy from moving him as he uses him as he wishes. 

"No, please stop I don't want this. Please. HELP" Alec desperately called out, hoping for once someone would come in and save him.

"No ones coming to help you Alec, now lay here and take it like the slut you are" Max whisper yelled, slapping Alec across the face as a warning to shut up. 

Tears were rapidly falling down Alec's face, trying to push Max off his body feeling dirty and used. Wanting everything to stop, every attempt going unnoticed by how weak he was gotten over the past few weeks. Finally after another torturous ten minutes, it finally stopped, the therapist filling Alec with his seed as he still had the boy pinned between the table and his own body.

"You can get out now slut, I'll see you at our next appointment. If you don't come I'll find you anyway, and make you wish you we were never born" Max said, pushing the sobbing boy out of his office. 

Alec shot up, painting and immediately bursting into another round of body shaking sobs. 

Feeling as if he was covered in dirt from being touched in that way against his will. Alec began to violently scratch at his own skin, drawing blood in a way of washing away the dirt he was covered in.

"No, please stop" he repeated over and over by himself. The images of the day before repeating over in his head in a non stop vision of torture. His heart racing and panting becoming more vicious, Alec began to see black spots in his vision as he slowly began to lose consciousness. 

His mind playing tricks on him as he is forced to see treasured memories been him and Magnus being destroyed with the memories of what Max has done to him. As if his own self conscious wants to punish him as much as everyone else on this earth.

With one final scream of no, Alec passed out, body still trembling with fear.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke begun to notice Alec getting much worse. He would no longer eat at all without someone having to force him, even then he would immediately throw it back up.

The deep purple circles surrounding his eyes, showing his lack of sleep as each night we was woken by the nightmares of of memories haunting him. Worst of all, Alec no longer spoke to anyone, Alec has completely shut himself off from everyone. He had gone mute, not knowing if it was permanent or not.

Luke decided after a few months of Alec going to therapy to sit in with a session, to see for himself why he was not getting better. Normally it was Mia that took Alec to his sessions, so it shocked him as he watched Alec begin to shake as he walked towards the building. 

During the session was when Luke clicked together what was wrong. Max knew nothing about Alec, and Luke couldn't miss the lust filled looks max shot Alec, trying to be subtle but clearly failing. 

He had been hitting Alec, for months and no one had any idea what they were force the boy through. Suddenly full of anger, Luke filled his hand back forming a fist, finally connecting it with the therapists cheek. 

"How dare you do that to anyone, you're fucking sick!" Luke yelled, getting ready to throw another punch until he meet Alec's eye, seeing the pain the boy was in. 

Luke helped Alec up, leading him out of the room and towards to car, putting as much space between Alec and the monster who hurt him. 

"I'm so sorry Alec, I'm so fucking sorry" Luke cried out, blaming himself for what has happened.

When they got back to the house Alec had convinced Luke to let him leave for a walk by himself, 'wanting to clear his head and get some fresh air'. Really Alec couldn't stand the looks of pity Luke and Mia were giving him. 

Alec strolled through the stress, the hood of his jumper covering his head, blocking out the view of his face. He quickly regretted his decision to leave the Jade Wolf when ran into a a bunch of Shadowhunters returning to the institute after a mission. 

"Aw boys, look who it is, little Alec Lightwood. How does it feel to have everyone hate you for what you've done!" Raj mocked, pushing Alec back into an alley. 

Alec's head connected with the ground as he fell, blood beginning to put from the cut. He covered his face as his fellow Shadowhunters begun to kick and punch at every inch of his body. Not finding it in himself to fight back, to protect himself against his offenders as if he no longer cared. 

"This is what you deserve Lightwood" Raj laughed, while kicking Alec in the ribs, hearing a satisfying snaps as his rib breaks. 

"How does it feel to lose everyone, even your precious warlock pet Magnus. I bet he never loved you anyways, no one did." Underhill spat, laughing as he saw how much is words had an affect in Alec. 

"You're a worthless piece of shit Alec, everyone is better off without you!" 

The last thing Alec heard before he passed out was the angry growls of werewolves, and the sounds of heavy footprints in the distance, before allowing the calm darkness to overtake him.

"Why are you helping him downworlder, don't you know what he's done? He deserves this" Raj spoke, shaking his head as he walked away. 

Luke only shook his head, picking up the unconscious boy to return him to the Jade Wolf to tend to his wounds.   
——  
Everyone at the institute had seen the video Raj and the others had made, to gloat about have they had done to the previously famous Alec Lightwood 'one of the best Shadowhunters of their generation'. How easily they had taken him down, Alec barely putting up a fight. 

The Lightwood family gasped as they watched their friends beat their son, brother and once friend into unconsciousness. How could they do something like this? Each of them thought. Even Jace feeling a small amount of guilt for what happened even though it was his fault in the first place, he started the lies about Alec. 

Magnus watched the scene unfold form the back of the room, having dropped by to check of the family were doing. Af if trying to mend the wrongs his boyfriend had done. His heart broke as he watched what was happening to the man he was still in love with, how he had just given up allowing himself to be beaten. 

Although the man in the video was not the Alec everyone remembered. This man was thin, far too thin to be remotely healthy, and sad, he looked so fucking sad. A broken shell of the person he worked so hard to be. 

 

Magnus has begun to regret his decision to kick Alec out, not giving him a chance to explain himself at all. Magnus couldn't get the image of Alec's heartbroken face as Magnus said those horrible things the day they broke up, the words he said ringing around his head in the worst melody possible. As if his own mind was trying to open his eyes, to show him that he was wrong to let Alec what anyway, to believe Jace's word before getting Alec's side of the story. There was something he was missing. 

He needs to find Alec.


	7. Chapter 7

Alec woke up to a loud repetitive beep filling the extremely quiet room. No realising exactly where he was he begun to panic, thinking he had been kidnapped by someone else who wants to hurt him. 

"Relax Alec, we're in the hospital. You were badly injured and we don't have a stele to draw an itraz to heal you" Luke said, feeling terrible for everything that has happened to him, how much pain he's been through. 

Alec looked up, eyes filled with with life times worth of pain. "I don't want to be here anymore Luke. I want everything to stop" he cried out. His entire body beginning to tremble. 

"It's okay Alec, you'll be okay we'll get you through this. Please don't think like that" Luke said, his heart breaking for the boy. 

"I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble Luke" Alec apologised. 

Luke was about to reply but was interrupted by the small blue skinned women, that they knew so well entering the room. A small smile playing on her face, however it his quickly wiped off seeing Alec's distraught state. 

"Hey Alec, how are you feeling buddy?" Catarina asked in a soft voice, trying not to startle to already panicked boy. 

"You have a a broken arm, a few broken ribs which are pressing on your lungs and a serious concussion Alec I need to you be calm so I can help you okay?" Catarina said, hating to see him like this. 

Ten minutes and a lot of magic Alec was back looks so what remotely healthy, all broken bones in his body fixed and his physical pain taken away, yet Alec felt no different. 

"Get some sleep bud, I'll come see you later okay? Look after him Luke. Please." With a final wave, Catarina left the room. 

\- - -  
"MAGNUS BANE" Catarina shouted from the other side of the door, completing startling Magnus. 

Shaking his head, Magnus walked towards the door laughing at his dearest blue friend. "Catarina always impatient I see" Magnus joked. 

"I'm not here for a friendly catch up Magnus. What the hell have you all done to Alec!" She shouted, Magnus could practically see smoke coming out her ears. 

"I ensure Alec is to blame for what has happened. After what he done to Jace, I can understand why they kicked him out. I could not be with someone who would abuse their family so we broke up" Magnus replied shortly, not seeing a problem with what they have done. 

"Really now? And what exactly did he do to Jace?" Catarina tested, eyes giving him a cold look. 

"Jace came to me a few months ago a complete mess. He was covered in blood and bruises, he had tears streaming down his face. At first I though something might have happened to Alexander during a mission but I wasn't until we sat down and he told me." Magnus paused, shaking his head.  "Jace told me that from the first day we met, after the memory demon revealed that Alec was in love with him Alec have been abusing him. Coming into his room each night and not leaving till Jace was barely conscious, laying in his own blood. He told me he couldn't handle it anymore, that he needed away from Alec." Magnus finished, his face scrunched up at the sad memory of his friend so badly hurt. 

"And you believed him! Alec would never, come on Mags don't you remember how much Alec loves his family he would die before he'd let anything happen to them. He nearly did remember?, he almost died once to find Jace yet everyone thinks he would for some reason abuse him. How stupid can everyone be! That is not Alec" Catarina shouted, completely infuriated at Magnus. 

"Maybe we don't know him as well as we thought" Magnus argued, trying to convince himself that he was right. That he hasn't destroyed everything with Alec over a horrible lie. 

"Remember all those times he spend looking after Madzie, how he sat for hours playing dolls, learnt all her hand clap things that we never did, braided her hair just to make her happy. Do you really think that person could cause intentional harm to anyone never him his own parabati. If you do then you are lying to yourself" Catarina ranted 

"You should have seen Jace's face Catarina, he was so scared to tell me. You could see he was in pain, how could I not believe him when the proof was right in front of me" Magnus replied. 

"For god sake Magnus can't you see, Jace hurt Alec. Not the other way around, it's been right in front of you the entire time and you haven't noticed. Jace was furious that Alec had feeling for him and felt as if Alec had embarrassed him in from of everyone so he decided that Alec needed to pay for what he done. Jace wanted to beat the feeling out of Alec, he was never okay with Alec being gay and you know it. Everything Jace told you was true yes, but it is what he done to Alec not what Alec done to him" 

Magnus sat, staining straight ahead as he look in what Catarina said. His face palled as he released how wrong he had been. His poor Alexander has been through so much yet he didn't even notice. Worst of all he screamed at him, called him horrible things. Alec wasn't the monster he was.   
"Oh god, what have I done" he whispered. Guild flooding his body, feeling horrible about what he has done. Not only did he turn his back on Alexander when he needed him the most but he neglected the see that Alec was hurting, badly. 

"I need to find him, I need to explain. Fuck! He probably hates me after what I've done. How could I not notice he was hurting the entire time how could I be so blind. So heartless to say those thing to him I didn't even give him a chance I though him out as if he meant nothing" he gushed, fumbling over each word. "I need to know he's okay, that he's safe. Please god tell me he's okay. Since the day Raj released the video no one has seen him anywhere. SHIT! How could I let this happen." He shouted 

"Magnus calm, well track him. You're a warlock remember we can track him and help him okay" Catarina explained, although feeling no sympathy for her friend, she felt this is what was best for Alec. She saw how Alec was now, he needed Magnus a hell of a lot more than Magnus needed him at the moment 

Magnus froze, his entire body going rigid. The entire situation only completely sinking into him, the newly found information making his blood boil.

"Jace Herondale is going to pay. Every last person who hurt him is going to fucking pay for what they've done!" Magnus spat in a sinister voice. 

"Slow down Magnus, you have to remember that you hurt him as well. Maybe not physically but you broke the last piece of him that sent him spiralling" Catarina retorted

Magnus dropped to the ground, immediately breaking into loud sobs at Catarina's response. She was right, he did hurt Alec, probably to most out of everyone Magnus was supposed to be there for him when no one else was. When things get hard, you don't push the other away but that was exactly what Magnus had done. He pushed Alec away in the most cruel way possible. He only hoped he could fix what he's broke before he was too late.


	8. Chapter 8

Alec and Magnus held hands as they walked through Central Park, smiles decorating both their faces as they whispered between themselves. Magnus has wanted to take them on a picnic and who was Alec to say no to his love. 

The two found a small spot under a tree, Magnus thinking it was the best place for them to stay. Alec set the large basket down and flopped to the ground, exhausted from carried all the things Magnus needed to bring. 

"Tell me again, why can't you just use magic again?" Alec asked in a joking manner. 

"Because sometime it's more fun to do the mundane way Alexander" Magnus replied rolling his eyes at the tall boy. 

The two stayed like that for hours. Alec watching Magnus as he got excited about someone's outfit or a pretty flower that he had seen, wondering just how lucky he was to have Magnus in his life. 

"I love you" Alec said, not noticing he even said a work until Magnus has turn to him, a large smile on his lips. 

"I love you too Alexander. But you need to wake you now this isn't real." Magnus said sadly 

"No, don't wanna" Alec muttered, curling his body around Magnus's. not wanting to have another one of his favourite moments spent with Magnus ruined by waking up to the harsh reality of what is now his life. 

"Goodbye Alexander, I'll see you soon" Magnus said before disappearing, leaving a very confused Alec alone in the park.

What did Magnus mean?, he doesn't want to see him Magnus hates him just like everyone else. 

Alec snapped awake, dropping his head back against the pillow, wishing he could just sleep forever so he can spend all his time with Magnus, even if it's not real. 

"Hey you're awake" Mia said, causing Alec to turn to face the girl. 

Mia didn't expect Alec to reply to her, he had stopped talking when he left the hospital. Yet a part of her wishes he would talk to her, yell anything but the deafening silence. 

"How did you sleep?" Mia asked, trying to pry some sort of response from Alec.  

Alec only shook his head and turned around, pulling the quilt over his head. Not wanting to have any sort of human interaction today. 

"Come on Alec! You have to make some sort of effort" Mia was getting frustrated very quickly. She knew it wasn't Alec's fault but she could t help but lose her temper. "ALEC!" She screamed. 

Alec flinched at the loud noise and jumped off the bed, quickly hiding in the corner and began to rock back and forth, his entire body trembling as his breathing picks up. 

"No Alec, shit I'm sorry. I'm sorry"  Mia gasped out, realising what she had done.

Mia ran out of the room to get Luke, mowing that over the last view weeks he has been the only one who was able to calm Alec down. 

"Hey buddy. Hey Alec look at me, you're okay no one is going to hurt you. You're safe with us" Luke said softly, slowing moving to sit beside Alec on the ground. 

"Talk to me Alec, what's going on in that head of yours" Luke asked, trying to distract Alec from what happened. 

"H-he would inject m-me with it, they knew a s-stele could do nothing to f-fix it and they did it anyways" Alec whispered, voice cracking at every word. 

"Who did, what are you talking about Alec?" Luke asked completely confused by what Alec was saying. 

"Demon Ichor, the poison. It hurt, Luke it hurt so bad" Alec sobbed. "Why did he do it to me" heartbreaking cries were rapidly falling from Alec as he explained what they did to him. 

"Shh Alec, he can't hurt you anymore. We won't let him okay, you're completely safe." Luke whispered, cradling Alec as if he was a child proving his point. 

"I want Magnus, why did he have to leave me too. I love him but he hates me" Alec's cries dying down to small sniffles as silent tears rolled down his face.

"He is not worth your tears Alec, I know you miss but don't you remember what he did to you? He hurt you, they all did. I'm not going to let them near you for a long time." Luke's voice was strong even though he was whispering. 

Alec only stated to cry harder, he was in love with Magnus. You can't just easily fall out of love with someone, no matter what they've done.


	9. Chapter 9

*Trigger Warning*

"Hey, has anyone seen Alec? He's not in his room" Luke calls to his pack. Panic slowly growing the longer Alec was out of his eye line. 

"He left a little while ago" Bat replied absentmindedly, not noticing what was so wrong with Alec leaving alone. 

"Shit, he can't be left alone" Luke was in a full scale panic by know, he knows Alec's mind state at the moment and him disappearing could lead to nothing good. 

"I want everyone out looking for Alec. NOW!" Luke screamed at his pack, watching as each member quickly got up and ran in search of the oldest Lightwood. 

Before leaving , Luke quickly pulled out his phone and dialled the only person he knew could help find Alec, the only one who knew him more than Alec knew himself. Even if it meant going against every fibre of what he though was right for Alec.

"Hello?" Magnus's voice ring through the phone, confusion lacing his words. 

"Listen Bane, you are the last person I have to speak with right now but we have a problem." Luke spat having no time for small talk. 

"What is the problem?" Magnus asked growing worried that one of his friends are yet again in danger. 

"Alec is missing and I think he's going to do something stupid, I don't care if you want nothing to do with him, I need you to help find him!" Luke demanded. 

"What do you mean by do something stupid?" Magnus stammered, praying like was not going to say what he was thinking. 

"For fuck sake Magnus, I think he's going to kill himself, will you hurry the fuck up and help me!" Luke snapped, fed up with Magnus already. 

"Oh god. Okay. I ah I think o have some of his clothes here still I'll try and track him with magic. Hold on" Magnus replied, words fumbling together in an incoherent sentence.

Magnus ran to his bedroom, tearing is wardrobe apart until he came across a light blue shirt that belonged to Alec. A smile played on his lips as the memories of when he forced Alec to buy the shirt because he 'needed to be more colourful'. He quickly did the spell, not knowing if he could forgive himself if anything were happened to his Alexander. 

"He's here" Magnus whispered down the phone to Luke. "He's at my loft apparently," Magnus let out a small chuckle at the thought of Alec coming here if all places. 

"I'll be there soon, find him!" with a final order Luke hung up the phone and began to drive to the loft. 

Magnus has searched nearly every floor of his building, Alec was no where to be seen. At some point during the search Luke had joined him, a thick suffocating tension surrounding the two. After checking every loft in the building, there was only one more place they had to search; the roof. 

Meanwhile Alec was standing on the ledge of the rooftop, looking over the New York City skyline on last time, trying to memorise every part of the beautiful city he once loved. Drop after drop of his blood slowing dripping over the edge, for the several gushing deep vertical cuts that adorned his arms. 

He found himself laughing at the irony of his situation, that the apartment building was the place he chose to end his own life. He always said he wanted to die with Magnus by his side, however, as Magnus now hated him this was the closest he could get. 

He took a small step forward, getting closer to falling off the edge, ending all his pain for good. He wondered how things had gotten so had for him, he has finally happy. He had Magnus, the man who was the love of his life, the man he wanted to start a family with. He has his dream job, he was finally the head of the institute. He had his family, his mother was proud of him after years of telling him he wants good enough. He has Max, Izzy, even Jace, even after what Jace did to him Alec could never love him any less. 

But now, now he has nothing, no Magnus, no institute and certainly no family. Everyone hated him, no one was going to miss him. This was for the best, not only for everyone else who is better without him but for him, he could be happy again. So why is he having doubts?. 

"You're a monster Alec."  
"Nothing but a worthless piece of shit"  
"Everyone would be better without you"   
"No one wants you here"  
"No one loves you"

Every cruel remark ever sad to him playing through his head, as if his own mind was trying to convince him that his is for the best. That he should kill himself, finally put a stop to all the pain he's been through. With Jace, his father, the therapist and Magnus. 

Too caught up in the war raging in his own head, Alec didn't hear the roof top door slam open as it collided with the wall. Magnus and Luke ran out onto the roof, both men immediately freezing at the sight of Alec standing on the ledge, covered in his own blood. 

Alec stepped forward, dangerously close of the edge of the ledge, as if a gush of wind would come and force him off the building. With a deep breathe, Alec closed his eyes getting ready to step off. 

"I love you Magnus, I always will even if you no longer love me back." He whispered and with that took his final step of the ledge, beginning to fall.

Only then hearing the horrified screams of his name, not that anyone could stop him anyways. Alec Lightwood was finished.


	10. Chapter 10

"Alec, NO!" They screamed in unison as they ran as quickly as they could to the edge for the roof. 

Blue sparks shot from Magnus's hands, over the edge before anyone had even noticed, too caught up with the need to save Alec.  They watched as Alec fell, the the Magnus following him in a literal race to save his life. 

"Hurry up Magnus" Luke shouted, knowing that if they shouldn't safe Alec he would never forgive himself. 

"I'm trying" Magnus shot back, his eyes filling with frustrated tears blurring his vision. 

"Oh my god" Luke whispered out in relief as Alec's body froze only seconds away from hitting the ground. 

Magnus slowly backing away from the edge as his magic raised Alec's body back up to the top of the building. Gently laying his body on the ground as the two men quickly dropped to his side. 

"Magnus" Alec croaked out, smiling up at his love. He thought he could finally be with him again, not having the time spent with him limited to when he was sleeping. Not knowing that the real Magnus was there, by his side and didn't plan on leaving any time soon.

"I'm here Alec I'm here" Magnus said softly, lightly smiling down at the broken boy. 

"He's losing too much blood Luke. Where his stele? We need to activate his itraz." Magnus said in a panicked voice. He only got Alec back, he was not going to lose him again, not until he fixed what he's broke. 

"He doesn't have one, they took it when they kicked him out." Luke spat. Not sure he could ever forgive them for what they done to Alec. 

"We need to get him to Catarina, portal us to the hospital now" Luke was panicking now, his hands beginning to shake as she kept pressure on Alec's wounds, trying to slow the bleed down, a lest a little. 

Alec laughed up at the two, the blood loss making him delirious. He didn't seem to comprehend what was actually happening right now, he was dying and he didn't even know. 

"Alec, hey Alec look at me okay. You have to stay awake, can you do that for me?" Magnus asked, pushing Alec's hair away from his face, Magnus's tear filled eyes meeting Alec's dull ones. 

Feeling too weak to speak, Alec only nodding his head, the movement so small that Magnus nearly missed it. Smiling at the boy, Magnus bent down and left a light kiss on Alec's forehead, trying to keep him calm. 

A few seconds and one portal later, the three found them self in a private room at the hospital. Laying the barely conscious Alec on the bed, Luke ran out of the room in hopes of finding Catarina, or any doctor which could help safe Alec's life. As Magnus stayed behind, holding on to Alec's hand, as if he let go Alec would disappear forever.

"I'm tired Mags" Alec mumbled. His eyes slipping shut causing his body going limp as he slips into unconsciousness. 

'No,no Alec wake up!. Come on, you have to wake up you are not dying on me today." Magnus cried, beginning to shake Alec, doing anything for him to regain consciousness. 

"Magnus move out of the way so Catarina can help him." Luke spoke, still not wanting Magnus to be anywhere near Alec after what he's done. 

"Please help him, I can't lose him" Magnus cried, tearing falling down his face as he slowly stepped away from Alec. 

"You were the one who made him leave in the first place. Remember?" Luke spat, storming out of the room. 

\- 

Alec had been unconscious for three days, after Catarina had stabilised him. Every single cut in his arm needing stitches to stop the bleeding, thick bandages covering his pale arms. 

When Alec finally woke up he was confused and scared, he didn't know where he was or what happened. And Magnus, he was sure Magnus was with him, where was he now? Was it just his imagination playing cruel tricks on him again? 

The memories of the days before suddenly flashed through his mind. Leaving the Jade Wolf, walking to the loft, the roof, jumping, seeing Magnus and then darkness. Curling up in a ball on the bed, he begin to sob hysterically, he had failed. 

Luke entered the room to see Alec awake and crying, screaming out for Magnus, pulling at the bandages on his arms ripping some of the stitches, the once white bandages becoming red. Dropping the coffee he was holding, Luke quickly ran over to Alec. 

"Alec calm down, it's okay. You're okay" Luke tried to reason with Alec, reaching towards the boy only for him to scramble away. 

"Catarina said you had a minor seizure when she was stabilising you, you have to keep calm and rest, you're going to hurt yourself." He tried again, hoping to get through to Alec. 

Everything seemed to dawn on Alec, Magnus had left him. Again. Leaving him alone, to waste away in the hospital. He suddenly stopped, stopped moving, stopped screaming, stopped crying. He was completely motionless. 

Catarina may have saved his life but in his eyes he was already dead. Alec Lightwood died the moment they kicked him out of the institute. He may be alive, but he was barely breathing, all the pain he felt was suffocating.


	11. Chapter 11

Magnus was getting ready to leave his loft when he was interrupted by the relentless buzzing of his phone. Rolling his eyes, He stomped over to his phone, preparing to scream at whoever was ringing him to leave him alone. His heart dropped when he saw that it the person phoning him was Luke. 

"Luke, what's wrong is Alec okay? Tell me he's okay" Magnus panicked, getting ready to make a portal of get to the hospital immediately. 

"I honestly have no idea, you need to get here now " Luke signed out. Honestly Alec was scaring him, he had been sat completely emotionless for hours now, it was creepy. 

"I'll be there soon, tell him I'll be with him soon please." Magnus called out, hanging up the phone and quickly running through the portal. 

-

Magnus walked into Alec's room only for Luke to push past him, shaking his head. He muttered a small "fix him" and walked out of the hospital needing some fresh air. 

When Magnus finally entered Alec's from he immediately froze when seeing the state Alec was in.

"Oh Alec, what has everyone done to you, you didn't deserve any of this" Magnus cried out, walking towards Alec. 

Magnus's heart broke seeing the broken boy Alec had become. He couldn't help but blame himself, he could have prevented things from ever getting this far. He always noticed the tension between Alec and Jace, yet just brushing it off. Magnus always saw the bruises decorating Alec's body when he came back from staying at the institute, but he believed he got them from going in a mission.

"You're not alone anymore okay, I'm not leaving again" Magnus said calmly but inside he was livid. Livid at Jace for everything he done to Alec, livid at Clary for lying with Jace and blaming it in Alec and mainly he was so god damn angry at him self for believing them over Alec. 

"Alec I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for everything that has happened to you. I'm so sorry for all the horrible things I said to you, for turning my back on you." Magnus sobbed out, his words becoming more incoherent as he spoke, stumbling out each pain filled sentence. 

"I know you problem will never forgive me, I won't blame you I can never forgive himself. I know no apologises could ever change what has happened but I promise you I'll do anything I can to fix this." Magnus continued. 

Alec slowly lifted his head, his eyes moving from the blanket to Magnus reddened eyes. His eyes lightening up slightly at the sight of Magnus sitting beside him, yet he still looked scared as if he would disappear any second. 

"You're not real, Magnus hates me he wouldn't be here" Alec whispered shaking his head as tears begun to fall down his face. 

"I'm real Alec, I'm really here. I could never hate you my love. I'm so sorry I left you." Magnus replied reaching up to stroke Alec's cheek. 

"I love you Alexander, I promise I'll do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I won't ever leave you again." Magnus spoke softly, his words nearly getting lost in the sea of cried and sniffles. 

Alec threw his body against Magnus, falling into his embrace as the two cried. Magnus begin to slowing rock them back and forth whispering sweet nothings into Alec'a ear, trying to keep the boy calm. 

Magnus thought back to the times Alec lat with him at night, how he would make Magnus sing to him because he apparently found the soft voice of his singing soothing. Taking a deep breathe Magnus begin to lightly sing to him. 

"He finds it hard to trust someone  
He's heard the words 'cause they've all been sung  
He's the boy in the corner  
He's the boy nobody loved  
But I can't, I can't, can't stop thinking 'bout you everyday  
And you can't, you can't, you can't listen to what people say  
They don't know you baby  
Don't know that you're amazing but I'm here to stay

When you lose your way and the fight is gone  
Your heart starts to break and you need someone around now  
Just close your eyes while I put my arms above you  
And make you unbreakable  
He stands in the rain, just to hide it all  
If you ever turn around  
I won't let you fall down now  
I swear I'll find your smile and put my arms above you  
And make you unbreakable  
I'll make you unbreakable

'Cause he's the boy that I never had  
He's the heart that I wanted bad  
The song I heard on the radio  
That made me stop and think of her  
And I can't, I can't, I can't concentrate anymore  
And I need, I need, need to show her what her heart is for  
It's been mistreated badly  
Now her world has started falling apart  
Falling apart

When you lose your way and the fight is gone  
Your heart starts to break  
And you need someone around now  
Just close your eyes while I put my arms above you  
And make you unbreakable  
He stands in the rain, just to hide it all  
If you ever turn around  
I won't let you fall down now  
I swear I'll find your smile and put my arms above yo  
And make you unbreakable

You need to know that somebody's there all the time  
I'd wait in line, and I hope it shows  
I can't walk away 'til your heart knows  
That it's beautiful, oh, I hope it knows  
It's beautiful

When you lose your way and the fight is gone  
Your heart starts to break  
And you need someone around now  
Just close your eyes while I put my arms above you  
And make you unbreakable  
he stands in the rain, just to hide it all  
If you ever turn around  
I won't let you fall down now  
I swear I'll find your smile and put my arms above you  
And make you unbreakable

'Cause I love, I love, I love, I love you darling  
Yes, I love, I love, I love, I love you darling  
And I'll put my arms around you  
And make you unbreakable"

Magnus's eyes stinging with a fresh set of tears as he thought about how much they related to the words of the song. How we would do anything to make Alec unbreakable again. 

He noticed Alec's eyes beginning to close as his breathing begun to even out. Pulling Alec closer so he can rest his head on his chest, he gently rubbed his hand up and down Alec's back making sure he was completely calm. 

"Go to sleep Alexander, I will be right here when you wake up" Magnus said softly, pecking Alec's forehead. 

For the first time in months Alec fell asleep feeling completely safe, warm and loved. For once, he felt happy.


	12. Chapter 12

Izzy was pacing around her room, trying to walk off her dear and build up the confidence she needed. The was a demon attack on some mundanes, however the police got to the scene before the group of Shadowhunters has. Hey needed Luke to get the information so they can figure out which type of demon is lose around the city.

She was scared to phone Luke, she knew that he had taken Alec in after everything that had happened, she also knew that Luke must hate them for kicking him out. Honestly she was hurting, it was killing her not having Alec to talk to, he is her big brother, they needed each other and she stood aside watching as they threw him out. She hated herself for letting them kick out Alec, for cutting him out of her life like everyone else, right when he needed her the most. 

Taking a deep breath, trying to calm down her nerves she finally reached to pick up her phone and dialled Luke's number. 

"What do you want Izzy" Luke's deep voice sounded down the phone. 

"Uh hey Luke, I was wondering if you could come to the institute for a bit. We could really use your help" Izzy spoke, trying to sound as confident as usual but failing. 

"Really, that's awfully rich you you lot" Luke laughed down the phone, getting ready to hang up. 

"Please Luke, there a demon attacking mundanes" Izzy pleaded. 

"Fine, I'll be there soon." Luke spoke, annoyance dripping from his voice. 

"Thank you so much" she gushed down the phone. 

"Yeh don't thank me yet, I still want nothing to do with your ignorant race anymore" Luke spat.

"How is Alec?" Izzy whispered in a small voice, hating the thought of Alec being hurt. 

"What do you care" Luke spoke down the phone, quickly hanging up before he said something he would regret before heading to the institute. 

-

Luke stormed into the institute to be met with a stressed looking Isabelle, giving Luke a shy smile, she nodded her head in the direction and beginning to walk away as Luke followed behind her. 

When Luke entered to room, the first thing he saw was Clary, Jace and Simon all standing around the table looking at different files. 

Clary looked up eyes landing on Luke as a smile made it across her face, although the hate filled glare she received from look made it fall immediately. 

"Luke, what's wrong? Have I done something wrong?" Clary asked confused, what had she done which had made Luke seem to hate her so much. 

"You're joking right?" Luke begun to laugh. "After everything you lot have done to Alec, and you have the audacity to ask what you have done wrong. Are you fucking kidding me right now" Luke screamed at the three Shadowhunters, felling no need to yell at Simon. 

"And you!" Luke spat, marching towards Jace. "You are the reason for everything that has happened to Alec." 

"I don't know what your talking about Luke. Alec hurt me, why are you blaming me for him getting kicked out" Jace tried to play innocent, clearly forgetting about when Luke caught him beating Alec. 

Luke begun to see red after listening to what Jace has said. Before he even realised he had moved form this stop his curled up fist has connected with Jace's check, sending his head to the right. He snapped out of his anger controlled haze when he heard a number of gasps coming from behind him. 

"That was for Alec you dick" Luke spat, backing away from the boy. He was not going to drop to Jace's level. 

"What are you talking about" Jace screamed, getting fed up very quickly with the way Luke was treating him. Like was a downworlder, in his eyes he should have a bit more respect for a Shadowhunter. 

"YOU DESTROYED HIM. You can stand there and act innocent if you want but I know what you did to him. You're the reason he's depressed, the reason he was raped. You're the fucking reason why he tried to kill himself. You should hate yourself for what you have done to him" Luke screamed. 

"And you" Luke spoke sounding dangerously calm, while turning to glare at Clary. "You knew exactly what he was doing to Alec and yet you stood and lied about everything. And for what, what could Alec possibly have done to you for you do die that to him" Luke shook his head at the girl he had known her entire life.

"You can all go to hell. I'm sure you'll find your fucking demon there. " Luke spoke before leaving the room not wanting to even as much as look at them much longer. 

Isabelle watched the whole scene unfold as tears were streaming uncontrollably down her face, her whole body shaking with anger and hurt. A piece of her died inside as she heard every horrible thing that had happened to Alec, wishing she could do anything to turn back time and protect him form it all. 

She stormed over the Jace, slapping him across the face with all the strength she could muster up in her weakened state. 

"How could you. He is are brother and you fucking abused him." She screamed out, before being pulled away by a extremely confused Simon. 

"Why" Izzy whispered before completely collapsing him Simon's arms sobbing uncontrollably as he slowly guided her out of the room. 

She watched at Luke was about to leave before quickly detaching herself from Simon and running toward him

"Please Luke, let me see him. I need to see my big brother. Please." She cried out. 

"Fine but I can assure you, he's not the Alec you remember" Luke spoke sadly. Turning towards the door and walking out of the institute for good. 

"You going or not. I don't have all day" Luke called behind him. 

"Yes of course" Izzy replies before running to catch up with Luke. Feeling incredibly nervous to finally see her beloved big brother after everything that has happened, she only hopes he can find it in him to forgive her even if she'll never forgive herself.


	13. Chapter 13

After a few days in the hospital Alec was finally allowed to leave, although he still has to be supervised at all times in case he tried to kill himself again. Although both Magnus and Luke believes that his was finally Alec's road to recovery. 

Although Luke still distilled Magnus for what he did, he couldn't miss the fact that Alec was clearly a lot calmer and dare he say it, happier, with him around. Although he was hesitant to let Magnus back into Alec's life, it was clear to him that Alec's dependence on Magnus was close to unhealthy, and Luke really didn't think Alec could survive Magnus leaving him again. 

"Please Luke, just let him come to the loft with me. I promise you I won't let anything happen to him" Magnus pleaded, he didn't want to let Alec out of his sight again. 

"I can't Magnus, you hurt him. He needs time to heal before he can go back to his old life, when he's back on his own feet then he can decide if he wants to be with you or not again. At the moment it's not good for him" Luke said sadly, he could see how much Magnus blames himself for everything which is how he knows he's being sincere. 

"Okay, if it's what's best for him, just let me say goodbye to him." Magnus mumbled out, tears welling up in his eyes as he walked towards the dazed Alec.

"Hey Alexander are you with me" Magnus clicked his finders informs of Alec's face, trying to breaks his daze and catch his attention. 

Alec turned to face Magnus, tilting his head to the side as if telling him to carry on saying what he needed to. He didn't feel like speaking to anyone today. 

"Listen Alexander, I have to go know but we'll see each other soon okay. When you get better you can come back and stay with me. I love you" Magnus spoke quietly, pretending his heart didn't break a little at the look on Alec's face when he finished. 

"No, you said you wouldn't leave again. I'm sorry for what I did please don't leave me again Mags. I want to come with you to the loft I'll get better there. Please don't go" Alec cried out. 

He was beginning to panic, heavy tears rolled down is face as his breathing picked up. He rocked his body back and forth while whispering the word no over and over again. 

"Alexander you need to calm down okay breathe for me" Magnus spoke, scared that something might happen to Alec again. Looking up at Luke who was standing in the corner, his hurt filled eyes netting Luke's sorrow filled ones. 

"Alec, breathe for me okay. You can stay at the loft with Magnus already but you have to promise me you'll try to get better. But first you need to calm down" Luke spoke softly, while walking over towards the two on the bed. 

When Alec had finally calmed down, he had fallen sleep with the exhaustion of his panic attack. Magnus carried him to the car, laying him across the back seat. 

"You have one chance Bane. You don't anything to hurt him and you're dealing with me. Got it?" Luke threatened, still not completely trusting Magnus. 

"Yes of course" Magnus replied quickly, he'll protect Alec with his life. 

"Good now I'm needed at the institute, I'll be over to check on him a soon as I'm finished." Luke said as he left the the other direction. 

"Let's get you home Alexander" Magnus whispered, although it feel on deaf ears as Alec was sleep. 

-

When Alec woke up, at first we was scared he wasn't in his usual room at the Jade Wolf nor was he still in the hospital yet this pace had a strange sense of home to it. It wasn't until he actually sat up that he realised in way in Magnus's room in the loft.

Although Alec was yet to forgive Magnus for what has happened, even though deep down he didn't know if he ever could. He still felt a lot more at ease with Magnus being with him, he felt safer as if no one could hurt him anymore because he has Magnus back, his only source of happiness. 

"Ah you're awake" Magnus spoke happily as he entered the room. "Come on, we gotta get you something to eat" he spoke again, setting his hand out for Alec to take so he can lead in into the living room. 

Magnus places asked in the sofa as he made his way into the kitchen, making some toast, knowing he had to keep the food light as Alec would likely to sick. Placing the plate of toast on Alec's lap, sighing as Alec gives him a pleasing look through his dull eyes. 

"You have to Alexander" Magnus said softly, crunching down to be face to face with Alec. Smiling brightly as Alec slowly lifted the toast and begin to nibble on it. 

Just as he was about to praise Alec for eating he was interrupted by a knock on the door, knowing it was Luke coming to check on them. With a wave of his hand, the door opened and in walked Luke, already looking annoyed. Magnus could only guess things at the institute didn't go so well. 

"Thank god you got him to eat something. I was getting worried" Luke said, cheering up slightly at the sight of Alec. 

Only when Luke goes to take a seat beside Alec on the sofa, Magnus noticed the nervous wreck of a girl standing in the door way. 

"Izzy?" Magnus said in confusion, causing Alec head to turn to face the door, so fast Luke was surprise the boy didn't give himself whiplash.


	14. Chapter 14

"Izzy?" Magnus spoke, looking at the girl in shock, before sending a questionable look at Luke. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked again, feeling incredibly worried that her visit may send Alec ten steps in the wrong direction. 

"I came to see Alec." She stuttered out, feeling nervous under Magnus's gaze and scare in case Alec doesn't want to see her. 

"Ah um he's, he's over there. Come in" Magnus sighed, praying this wouldn't go badly. 

"Thanks" Izzy whispered as she walked past going into the living room to see her brother. 

Walking into the room, Isabelle came to an abrupt stop when she caught sight of her brother. Curled up in a small ball, starring blackly at the wall in front of him was a very broken looking Alec. Beside him was Luke, his face showing exactly how worried he was on how this was going to end. 

Isabelle began to walk towards the two men in the sofa just as Magnus was entering the room, smiling slightly at the nod of encouragement Magnus gave her from a cross the room.  

When she was only a few steps away, she noticed how badly Alec flinched at every step closer she took to him. Willing away the tears that we're building up in her eyes, she carried on until she closed the distance between herself and Alec, bending down to sit on the floor in front of her brother. 

"Hey Alec" she whispered out, her hand moving to reach for Alec but stopping when she saw the subtly shake of Luke's head telling her no. 

Alec's body started to shake with fear as he was beginning to panic. He believed Izzy was here to hurt him, he didn't seen her the day they kicked him out and he knew she would hate him for what they had said he done to Jace. She was only here to punish him as well, just like everyone else. 

"Please Alec calm down, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise I would never" Izzy spoke in a soft voice, not wanting to startle him anymore. 

Alec looked up at Izzy, eyes full of fear and pain. He missed his sister so much but he can't help thinking that Izzy coming to see him is some sick joke Jace is playing on him. He didn't want to be a joke anymore. 

"I'm so sorry Alec, I've been such a horrible sister. He was hurting you the whole time and I did nothing to help you, and I stood by and let them kick you out. Fuck Alec, I'm so fucking sorry" Izzy began to cry, causing her voice the shake. 

"I know saying sorry can't change what happened to you, but I promise you I'll make this up to you somehow. By the angle you must hate me" she continued, her words mumbled out together making it hard to understand. 

Alec looked up at her emotionless, he hated seeing his little sister cry, never mind crying over something unimportant like him. 

"Don't cry Izzy" Alec whispered, voice cracking due to last of use. 

"Oh Alec, even now you still put everyone above yourself" Izzy said, laughing halfheartedly through her tears, shaking her head at Alec. 

"I'll always put you first Izzy you're my little sister" he spoke quietly, a shy smile playing on his face. 

"Can I  touch you, please? I won't hurt you I swear on the angle" Izzy asked nervously scared on how Alec may react. 

Pretending she didn't see Alec's shiver at the thought of being touched, she waited for him to tell her no, to back away in a panic. She was shocked when Alec replied with a small nod yes before throwing herself into Alec's arms, holding onto him for dear life. 

Isabelle tried to ignore how Alec has flinched when she hugged him, it was breaking her heart how hurt he was, whisking she could just take it all away. 

"I'm sorry we hurt you Alec. I love you" Izzy whispered into the crook of Alec's neck. 

"I love you too Iz" Alec whispered back, moving his arms so he can hug Izzy tighter. 

Magnus and Luke watched to two, small smiles playing on their faces as the two siblings reunited. They could see how happier Alec seemed with Izzy by his side again, as if his broken pieces were finally coming back together. 

The two stayed like that all night, tangled in each others arms as if they were both scared to let each other go. When they had finally fallen sleep, Magnus moved the try pry them off each other, so they could both go to bed but he stopped seeing the smile on Alec's sleeping face. 

It was small, barely noticeable but it was a smile none the less. Things were finally looking up.


	15. Chapter 15

Alec has seemed be have settled back into the loft quiet well during the weeks he had been there, he was no longer as anxious or scared. Isabelle has also been visiting him more frequently, trying I’m to rebuild there relationship. 

When Magnus was completely sure Alec would be comfortable saying in his loft, he phoned Luke and Izzy to come stay with Alec while he went out for a little while. It was finally time he payed Jace Herondale a visit. 

"Alec sweet I'm going out for a while, I'll be back soon. Luke and Izzy will be here, so you'll be safe okay my love?" Magnus spoke softly, streaking Alec's cheek in a loving manner. 

"Yeh okay, I'll see you later" Alec croaked out, his voice still not used to speaking more than a few words in a day. 

"I love you Alexander" Magnus called over his shoulder while walking out of the loft. He could easily portal himself to the institute but he wanted to try and get some fresh air. 

As Magnus walked to the institute he thought about every possible situation that could happen during his visit with Jace. What he should say, what might happen if he loses control. Shaking is head to clear his thoughts as he reached the institute, inviting himself in and immediately walking towards the training room where he knew Jace would be. 

"Hello Jace" Magnus spoke, catching Jace's attention. "We need to talk" Magnus voice was strong as if he was daring Jace to refuse him. 

"What is there to talk about Magnus?" Jace asked nervously, he wasn't sure if Magnus knew the truth yet but he had a fair idea he'd soon find out. 

"Don't play stupid with me, you know fine rightly what I want to talk about." Magnus spoke, annoyance dripping from his tone. 

Jace looked at Magnus and laughed he can't believe how easily Alec had gone back to Magnus, he really was weak. And now Magnus was coming to try and play hero, he found the situation hilarious honestly. 

"Aw are you here to talk about worthless little Alec. How is the little fag, tried to kill himself again yet?" Jace joked, he didn't see the point in playing innocent anymore. 

Something in Magnus snapped when he heard what Jace was saying about Alec. How dare he joke about something as serious as Alec's life, how disgusting can he be. 

The glamor in Magnus's eyes dropped revealing his cat eyes as he lifted is hand chocking Jace with his magic. 

"What you did to Alec was sick, you are a fucking horrible person Jace Herondale, what did he even do to you to deserve what you did to him." Magnus spat his eyes full of rage. 

"He deserves it, it was weak and he spent most of his life in love with he it was disgusting" Jace croaked out, not caring what anyone thought anymore, Alec had it coming to him. 

Magnus was close to snapping, Jace was walking on thin ice and Magnus was getting extremely close to ending him. 

"You're still Alec's parabati whether you like it or not which means that if you die a piece of him dies as well. He's already been hurt enough, yet he still cars about you and Killing you wouldn't not only destroy him but he'd never forgive me." Magnus spoke, his voice remaining completely calm yet threatening. 

"So Herondale, you come anywhere near Alec again, you try to hurt him, or you so much as even look in his direction in the wrong way and you'll be going through me. I won't kill you, but I will make you wish that I would just put you out of your kissers when I'm finished with you" Magnus threatened, his glowing cat eyes daring Jace to challenge him. "Do I make myself clear Shadowhunter?" He spoke, each word pointed to make is point. 

"Y-yes" Jace strained out, struggling to speak due to the pressure of Magnus's magnus wrapper around his throat, cutting off his air supply. 

"Great, well I shall be off. Do not test me Jace, I'm warning you I won't hesitate to leave you to rot in Edom." Magnus smiled sarcastically before turning and leaving the institute, not releasing Jace from his magics hold until he was halfway home. He didn't deserve kindness. 

-

Magnus walked him after visiting Jace, wanting to be completely calm before he went into Alec, he didn't want to scare him and ruin how much better Alec has gotten. Entering the house he was shocked to still see Alec up watching tv, normally he is sleeping by now, considering it's close to 1am. 

"Hey sweetheart, why are you still up?" Magnus asked gently, walking to join Alec in the sofa. 

"Waiting on you." Alec mumbled out tiredly. "How was Jace?" He asked again, sitting up to face Magnus. 

"I haven't seen Jace" Magnus spoke nervously, he really didn't want Alec to know he went to threaten Jace.

"I'm not stupid Magnus, I know you went to see Jace. Just, please tell me you didn't hurt him" Alec spoke quietly, Jace was his brother he'll never want anything bad to happen to him no matter how hurt he was because of him. 

"Alexander after everything he's done to you, you're still worried about his safety" Magnus laughed lightly, shaking his head at Alec.

"He's my brother Magnus" Alec whispered, deferring his gaze to the floor, feeling as if he had angered Magnus somehow. 

"You're too good for your own good my precious Alexander" Magnus whispered, pulling Alec into his arms. "That's why I love you" he said while kissing Alec's temple. 

"I love you too Mags" Alec spoke, laying his head on Magnus's shoulder. The two falling peacefully asleep, curled up in each others arms.


	16. Chapter 16

When Magnus woke up, he immediately reached over to pull Alec closer to him, however, Alec was no longer there. Magnus shot up in a blind panic, thinking the worst of Alec's absence. 

Jumping off the sofa, Magnus began to run around the loft checking every room to find Alec. "This cant be happening again" he whispered to himself. He knew how much Alec was improving but a part of him was still terrified that Alec might try to kill himself again. 

When he got back to the living room he began to pace, he couldn't find Alec anywhere and he was becoming a nervous and worried wreck. Magnus froze in his spot when he saw a figure standing on the balcony, he practically ran towards to balcony needing to know that Alec was still safe. 

As he got to the balcony he saw Alec leaning against the ladder, looking out over the city. Magnus walked over to him, laying his hand in Alec shoulder, feeling how cold he felt, he had obviously been out her a while. 

"Alexander there you are, you had be worried" Magnus sighed in relief. 

"I'm fine" Alec spoke, hoping that if he said it enough maybe he'll start to believe himself. 

"No, you're not" Magnus replied, sadly shaking his head at Alec. 

"I'm not going to try and throw myself over the edge again if that's what you're worried about" Alec mumbled out, not moving his gaze. 

"Alec, I didn't" Magnus began to speak, but he was interrupted by Alec. 

"Everyone is treating me like I'm some fragile child that needed help 24/7 it's suffocating, I just need some fresh air" 

"I'm sorry you feel that way Alec, well back off you a bit okay? Well give you more space. We all just want you to be safe"

"I'm tired all the time" Alec said turning to face Magnus, his brown eyes showing exactly how exhausted he was. 

"Let's get you inside, you're freezing. Then we can go to bed my love, you can sleep a while" Magnus said taking Alec's hand and leading him into their room. 

"I can't" Alec whispered, pulling Magnus closer to him, needing all the comfort he could get. 

"Why not dear" Magnus replied, looking down at the boy he loves, hating to see him in any sort of pain. 

"The nightmares" Alec said, tears welling up in his eyes. 

"What nightmares Alexander" Magnus said gently, laying them both on the sofa so he can hold Alec tightly in his arms. 

"About what the man did to me, I can't get it out of my head" Alec spoke beginning to sob, the images replying over his head. 

"Hey, calm down baby. Talk to me, what's going through that pretty little head of yours, what happened to you?" Magnus replied softly, he didn't want to freak Alec out anymore and he knew Alec needed to tell someone to have the weight lifted off his chest. 

Of course Magnus knew what he was talking about, Luke had told him what the therapist had done to him but he never brought it up. Waiting for Alec to tell him on his own terms when he was ready. 

Alec closed eyes and took a much needed deep breathe, his body was already beginning to shake and they both knew it wasn't from the cold either. 

"When I was first with Luke, Maia thought it would help if I saw a therapist, so they forced me to go" Alec stuttered out, shivering at the memory. "I didn't like him, there was something off about him from the start. But then he, he started to touch me and I wanted to leave but I couldn't. He pulled me and held me down." Alec continues, beginning to sob. 

"H-he r-raped m-me Mags. He did it for months and no one ever cared. He told me if I told anyone he'd find me and do worse." Alec was getting hysterical while explaining what happened to Magnus. 

"I feel so dirty all the time because of it, no matter how much I try to clean myself it still feels like he's touching me. I just want it to stop." Alec's heartbreaking sobs rung through the loft. "I want it to stop"

Magnus's heart was breaking as he heard Alec speak. Sure he knew what that bastard had done to Alec but hearing the agony in his voice as he spoke was destroying him. 

"I'm so sorry Alec, I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you from that monster." Magnus spoke softly, silent tears running down his face. "But you're safe now, he can't get anywhere near you, he can't hurt you anymore." 

"Please just make them go away" Alec whimpered, he was fed up of being tortured by the past. 

"I wish I could Alexander, but I can't take away your memories, that's not how you heal" Magnus spoke, wanting nothing more than to take his pain away. 

"Take the nightmares away Magnus please I'm begging you" Alec pleaded, he'd do anything for just a moment of freedom where he isn't woken in the middle of the night by his mind haunting him. 

"Okay my love, I'll try my best." Magnus spoke stroking Alec's cheek to try and calm him down. The blue sparks emitting from his hands aiming at Alec's temple, playing through all this thoughts and setting a spell to stop any nightmares from terrorising his precious Alexander anymore. 

"There my love, that should stop the nightmares from now on" Magnus whispered, wiping the tears from Alec's cheeks with the pad of his thumb. 

"Thank you" Alec replied, his voice barely about a whisper. Pulling himself closer into Magnus hugging him tightly. 

"Anything for you" Magnus smiled down at Alec, rubbing his hand up and down Alec's back trying to sooth him to sleep. 

Alec felt a lot better after telling Magnus what was holding him back. He felt lighter and if he can finally breathe again, maybe he'll get better after all. He was getting back something he thought he'd never have again: hope.


	17. Chapter 17

The entire institute was in a melt down, as there was no longer a proper head of the institute, Jace had been given the place if acting head but as good of a Shadowhunter he is, he was a terrible head of the institute:he was too selfish. 

Having no order in the institute meant that no missions were approved, which hasn't been going well with the clave. Shadowhunter were going rouge on missions, breaching the accords by injuring or sometimes killing problematic downworlders, others were being injured or killed after hunting demons by themselves, untrained shadowhunters were going on missions without telling anyone -it was chaos. 

Jace was sitting in Alec's office when a group of worried shadowhunters entered, he looked up with a sigh and motioned for them to speak, he was getting fed up of having to deal with everyone. 

"Sorry to bother you have, but we have to inform you that the is a herd of demons, I think they are getting ready to attack a mundane building." One spoke, feeling nervous around Jace. 

Raising an eyebrow at the shadowhunters Jace begin to speak. "So, what do you want me to do about it? Get a group of fighters ready and go kill the demons before the hurt any mundanes"

"That's the problem Jace, there are no other shadowhunters here. Everyone has gone doing there own thing, there's no order here anymore. We don't have enough people to fight that amount of demons" The shadowhunters argued back, they knew they needed another head of the institute, they needed Alec. 

"I don't know what to do okay! I'm not the head of the institute, I don't know how to be. I'm a fighter, I'm trained to kill demons and protect mundanes, I don't know how to lead" Jace shouted back, he was far too stressed to deal with other people's problems again. 

"We need Alec back Jace" the Shadowhunter whispered, scared of how he might react. 

"We don't, Alec is never coming back. Now get out" Jace spit pointedly, they were crossing the line with saying that they needed Alec. Although a small part of Jace knew that they were right, Alec was the best head of the institute they had, he did everything so easily, it was what he was made to do Jace just didn't want to admit it. 

"Fuck" he whispered to himself, before grabbing his phone and ringing Izzy. If anyone could help it will be Izzy, he just prayed she'd answer. 

-

Izzy was walking towards Magnus loft when she felt her phone vibrate, she stopped walking for a seconds so she could pull her phone out, dramatically rolling her eyes when she saw that it was Jace ringing her. 

"What do you want Jace?" Izzy spoke down the phone,not even trying to sound remotely polite. 

"Izzy I need your help, the institute is not doing well and I have no idea how to lead everyone" Jace rushes out

"Oh you need my help, that's awfully funny isn't it" Izzy laughed,shading her head in disbelief although Jace couldn't actually see her. 

"Please Izzy, I don't know what to do anymore. The institute is hectic, nobody is listening not that I'm being much of a leader, and the clave are furious with us. We need someone to actually be the head of the institute, someone who knows what they need to do, not me." Jace responded, Izzy could hear the worry in his voice not that she could find it in her to care. 

"And by someone you mean Alec but you're are conceited to admit that my big brother is actually amazing at something you aren't because all you ever want to do is degrade him" Izzy spat, she couldn't honestly care less about Jace's problems he was not dragging Alec into anything anymore. 

"He doesn't need to come here, I just need advice on how to fix things. Please just ask him how you're supposed to run the institute" Jace pleased 

"Alec doesn't deserve to be used Jace, how can you even asked this after everything you put him through?" Izzy mumbled, all anger washing away and replaced with the sorrow she felt towards her big brother. 

"We just need help please and I promise if you want you will never have to hear from me again" Jace continued. 

"I'll talk to Alec and Magnus but I'm not making you any promised Jace, don't get your hopes up I doubt he wants to be near the institute" Izzy spoke, walking up to Magnus's door wanting to end this phone call immediately. 

"Than-" Jace begun but was abruptly cut off when Izzy ended to call and walked into Magnus and Alec's loft. 

"Hey guys" she called as she walked into the living room, smiling at the sight of Alec sleeping with he head rested on Magnus's lap as Magnus ran his fingers through his thick black hair. 

"Hey Iz" Magnus spoke quietly not wanting to wake Alec up, t had been a while since the boy had a proper rest. 

"Can we talk Mags" Izzy whispered, she knew she needed to get Jace's problem out of the way, maybe Magnus can help her figure out what to do. 

Magnus gently lifted Alec's head up as he climbed off the sofa, carefully laying Alec back down while he lightly pecked him on the forehead not noticing as Alec had begun to stir awake. He then lead Izzy into the kitchen, putting the kettle on to make tea to try and calm Izzy down from her stressed state. 

"So Jace phoned me, he wants our help with running the institute he is struggling and the clave is furious. He said he needed help from Alec can you believe that he actually had the audacity to ask for Alec's help after everything he has put him through. I told him no and he asked if I could even get Alec's advice on how he can properly run the institute." Izzy ranted, tears of frustration welling up in her eyes. 

"How can expect Alec to do anything to help him after everything he's done. Does he seriously think Alec is just going to drop everything and run back to help him because Jace fucked up and now is paying for it." Magnus was outraged, who does Jace think he is. 

"I'll do it" both Magnus and Izzy's head snapped towards the small voice coming from the doorway where a tired Alec stood leaning up against the frame. 

"Hey big brother,how long have you been there" Izzy spoke, trying to play innocent while praying Alec hadn't heard anything. 

"I want to help Jace, if you let me go to the institute I can try and put things back in order for everyone. At least until they have someone who can properly control everything." Alec spoke, his voice firm but still quiet. 

"Alexander you don't have to help him, the institute isn't your problem anymore." Magnus spoke softly, his heart swelling at his selfless Alec is. 

"I want to, we'll leave in 10 minutes" Alec repeated and with that he walked out of the room to get ready. Leaving the two in the kitchen both wearing shocked and concerned looks.

Alec returned in a matter of minutes, dressed in his usual pair of black skinny jeans and a jumper both items of clothing drowning him due to the amount of weight he's lost. You could easily tell he was trying to make himself look less vulnerable. 

"Let's go" Alec spoke as he entered the room again sending them each a small smile to try and cover up how scared he was to go back to the institute. He wanted to help but he couldn't help but be nervous to go back. 

Magnus quickly conjured up a portal which lead them directly into the main floor of the institute. A floor filled with shadowhunters who began to scrawl and shout at the sight of Alec being in the building cause the boy to begin to tremble and shield himself behind Magnus. 

"You shouldn't be here you piece of shit, leave now or we'll force you to" one threatened, stepping forward to get ready attack Alec. 

"Don't you dare" Magnus spat, his glamour dropped and blue sparks already emitting from his hand. He knew bring Alec here would be a bad idea, but he also hoped it would give Alec some sort of closure. 

Izzy has been quick to drag Alec off to her bedroom seeing the state he was getting into. She knew she needed to calm him down quickly before it progressed to a full stage panic attack. Alec wasn't ready for this and him pushing himself is only going to make it worse. 

"You're going to be okay Alec, I'm not going to let any of them hurt you I promise" Izzy spoke softly to him while trying to slow his erratic breathing back to normal. 

"I'm so proud of you big brother, even after everything you are still going out of your way to help them" Izzy whispered pulling Alec into a well needed hug. 

-

Meanwhile Magnus was downstairs ready to murder someone. He was so angered by the horrible things everyone was saying about Alec and he couldn't get the look on Alec's face out of his head. He was so scared yet so head strong in helping them, they didn't deserve him. 

"Listen up, I think it's time all you self absorbed shadowhunters know the truth about Alec" Magnus shouted,catching the attention of everyone in the room. 

"Alec was not forced to leave the institute because he abused Jace. In fact Alec was made to leave because Jace made everyone think he wasn't good enough. Jace abused him, he fat shamed him, called him so many horrible things that Alec begun to believe. Alec got kicked out in the most horrible way and was forced to live on the streets until he was taken in by his abusive father, where he was nearly beaten to death or being an "embarrassment". If it wasn't for Luke finding Alec, he's probably be dead by now." Magnus paused, shaking his head at everyone as he heard the shocked gasps from people around the room. 

"It's funny because Luke actually caught Jace beating Alec yet he still tried to play the victim. Luke then took Alec in, he and Maia thought it would be good for Alec to see a mundane therapist which, only resulted in things becoming much worse for Alec. For 5 months Alec went to a therapy session and at every session - instead of trying to help that man raped Alec. The man couldn't even be arrested or properly dealt with as Alec then became completely mute, and when he did start speaking nothing could happen as there was no proof." Magnus continued, he was so full of anger he hardly registered what he was saying, he knew he's probably regret telling every Shadowhunter what happened to Alec but at the moment he didn't care. They needed to know what they done to him. 

"It's not like it got any better for him after that, Alec then tried to kill himself several time, each time he nearly succeeded. This institute destroyed Alec all because you would rather believe the bullshit he tells you" he spat pointing at Jace, shooting death glares towards the arrogant Shadowhunter. 

"Alec didn't have to come here today, fuck I didn't want to be anywhere near you people but he wanted to. He knew you needed help and he as always drops everything to make everything right, to help you yet you deserve no kindness from him at all. No Alec is going to come back and pull you all out of whatever fucking mess you have gotten yourself into now and no one better so much as speak a word to him" he demanded. 

"Oh and Jace, stay the fuck away from him" and with that Magnus stormed out of the room to collect Alec and Izzy. Leaving a very confused and shocked crowd behind.


	18. Chapter 18

Magnus walked through the empty halls of the institute, slightly anxious about the repercussions of his actions, he knew he shouldn't have told everyone what had happened to Alec, that it was Alec's choice and he should be the one to say, but he just couldn't help himself. He was sick of those people abusing Alec, and he was certainly sick of Jace and Alec's father, Robert, playing innocent in the situation. 

When Magnus found his way to Izzy's room, his heart broke at the sight of his boyfriend crying in the arms of his sister, he knew Alec was struggling with being back in the institute yet he knew how stubborn Alec was, if he wanted to do this there was certainly no stopping him. 

"Hey" Magnus spoke softly, startling the two Lightwoods at first. "How are you my love?" He spoke, walking over and taking Alec into his arms. 

"I'm okay" Alec whispered, clearing his throat trying to disguise the fact he was crying. Standing up Alec straightened out his close and spoke "Come on, we have an institute to fix"

Izzy and Magnus both turned to loo at each other, both nervous and skeptic as to how this is going to go, but stood up and followed a shaky Alec down the halls of the institute and stopping at his old office. Alec took a deep breathe broke slowing opening the door and walking into the room he spent most of his life him. 

"It looks so different" Alec spoke quietly as he scanned the once organised room, feeling slightly angered and saddened by the state of his once pride and joy, how had everything gone this wrong? 

"You don't have to fix this Alec, if it's too much we can go home, let them fix what they broke" Magnus spoke, hoping Alec would agree with him and leave to go back to his loft where he could focus on fixing himself. 

Alec shook his head at Magnus and walking around to the back of the desk, beginning to sort those the mass amount of files which had been three on top. 

"No I need to do this, I may not be a Shadowhunter in their eyes, but this is my life, I was made for this. Even if this is the last ever time I can do this, at least I will know that it was my choice this time, I did the right thing in helping them. They can't take that from me this time, I'm not going to let them control me, not anymore" Alec spoke, his voice stern and full of emotion, shocking both Magnus and Izzy, this had been the most Alec had spoken in months. 

Izzy walked up to Alec, eyes shining with tears yet she had a beaming smile playing on her lips. For once she her tears were not from sadness but from happiness. "I'm so proud of you big brother" she spoke, pulling Alec into a tight hug before stepping back with a slight smirk. "Now, what do you need us to do?"

Magnus watched to two siblings form the back of the room, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend for once at ease. Much like Izzy, he was tremendously proud of Alec, he was finically defending himself against they way the had treated him while he was the wha did the institute, no only that but the way the abused him after. He was finally watching Alec grow back into himself and he couldn't help but hope that Alec was finally back in the right path to his recovery, maybe coming back was the right thing for Alec. 

"Okay so we need some information on what exactly has been happening in the institute. From what I can see the clave is pissed with the behaviour of the shadowhunters and they are concerned for the safety mundanes due to the amount of demon activity." Alec spoke, his voice full of confidence and authority as he fell back into his mind state of being the head of the institute. 

"From what I can find, the last mission report was from 9 weeks ago, so either people are going on unsanctioned mission or they are purposely not making a report on what has happened during the mission, which is very concerning to me" Alec said, before turning to Izzy while shaking his head. "Izzy I need you to go see if there are any other mission reports that people have kept, it extremely important" he spoke, voice showing just how stressed he was becoming over the mess of the institute. 

"No problem big brother" Izzy said gently, before quickly leaving the office to get to work of gathering up the remaining shadowhunters to gain the information she needed, although it was not hard to find most as there were still some who remained in the main hall of the institute in shock after hearing of what actually happened to Alec. 

"Magnus how could they have gotten this so wrong, from what I can see the clave are only a few problems away from completely shutting down this institute, I can't let this happen this was my home, it's my families home" Alec rushed out, clearly distressed with what was happening. 

"Hey Alexander, we will fix this don't worry. I know you, you are amazing and a born leader, believe me when I say that you will fix this. Don't let this get you, you are so much better than you think" Magnus spoke, running this hand up and down Alec's back, something he knew would immediately calm Alec down. 

Just as Alec was about the respond Jace bust through the door of the office, his eyes cold and his face hard. The slam of the door connecting with the wall startled both Alec and Magnus, however upon seeing who entered the room an already startled Alec was sent into a full scale panic as he his breathing began to speed up and his body starting to violently shake. 

Jace was coming to finish what he started, Alec was sure if it he was going to kill him. Alec come back to the institute, yet again taking Jace's position of he's of the institute, he knew he had fucked up. Every horrible thing that had ever been done to Alec was running though his head, going a mile a minute immediately sending Alec back into the shell of the boy he once was before Magnus had found him. 

Magnus moved in front of Alec, to protect him form Jace, but to also keep Jace out of Alec's eye line trying to lessen the impending panic attack Alec is having with the view of his abusive parabati. 

"I though I told you to leave him alone Herondale" Magnus spat, his tone snap, laced with anger and hatred. 

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't need to be" Jace spoke, already agitated by Magnus' protectiveness of Alec and how 'weak' Alec had gotten in his mind. "There has been an attack on a mundane building, over 50 demons have been detected, we need to know how to handle the situation properly, as you can see it hasn't been going well in other missions" Jace said, his tone urgent yet stone cold, almost monotone. 

"Well Shadowhunter, that isn't any of our-" Magnus begin to speak but he was cut off by a small, shaky voice from behind him, speaking so quietly they almost missed it. 

"G-gather up t-the best fighters that are l-left, make sure e-everyone is well armed and t-that there is a strategy plan of a-attack set in place. Work fluently as a t-team, not as individuals, it where yous are g-going wrong in other missions." Alec spoke quietly, his voice shaking almost as much as his body, he was terrified of Jace, scared that if he spoke Jace would hurt him but he knew he needed to help. 

"Find the demons weakness and use it to your a-advantage, take Izzy, Clary and any other well trained Shadowhunter on mission with out. Don't let things get out of hand, you k-now the amount of demons, try to m-match that with the amount p-power you'll need to defeat them." He finished, clinging to the back of Magnus jacket like his life depending on it, using Magnus as his sense of security and safety, his protection. 

Jace looked away from Magnus, trying to cover the shock that must have covered his face. He did not expect Alec to step up, he figured he would remain hidden behind Magnus like the weak piece of shit he thought he was, however maybe Alec wasn't as weak as he once thought. Turning back to Magnus, Jace sent him a brief nod and left the office in hopes of finding a good enough troop to defeat the demons, if he kept every detail Alec told him in mind, no one had to know. 

As soon as Jace left the room, Magnus immediately turned around pulling Alec protectively into his arms as Alec began to cry. He knew Alec was still traumatised after what Jace has put him through but he couldn't help but shake the pride he felt when Alec spoke up to Jace, telling him what he needed to do, and the fact that he actually listened for once. Not only that but he could help but admire how Alec sat through this fear so he could help them, although the didn't quite deserve it in his eyes. As he once said , Alec would blow up the very ground he stood on the make something right'. 

His Alexander really was remarkable.


End file.
